This page collects funny reviews from Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk. Let me know if you have any more links for this page at the email at the bottom of the page.
Samsung PN50A450 50-Inch 720p Plasma HDTV
I am not entirely satisfied with this product. The instructions are unclear (probably because they are written by the Japanese). It took me ages just to figure out how to operate it. Finally, I figured out that the plug needed to be inserted into the electrical outlet. It didn't say that anywhere in the directions!Finding Nemo (Two-Disc Collector's Edition) (DVD)
DO NOT BE CORRUPTED BY THIS MOVIE!!!
The movie was a little boring and looked really fake. You could tell it wasn't real and was just a bunch of silly puppets. I hope the kids that watch it don't really think fish can talk. Most of the movie is scientifically inaccurate.
The Death Penalty Is Dead Wrong KeychainThis is a high quality piece of kit, that flourishes equally well in two distinct roles. Firstly, let it be stated that it performs all of the standard functions that one might associate with a keychain with a level of aplomb that verges upon outright impudence. Full plaudits where they are due. However, let's face it! You're not forking out on such a ludicrously overpriced item (don't forget the added postage!) in expectation of a notably superior standard of manufacturing, compared with any other mass-produced plastic key holder. The reason you actually want this is to convey the lofty self-righteousness of your smug moral idealism to anyone who should happen to spy you handling the keys to your car (which is most likely a rusty old Beetle/Morris Minor that comes complete with a nodding dog, a fluffy steering wheel cover and a range of drug-related paraphernalia). Good on you, if you ask me (especially if the occasion should happen to involve popping those keys into a large bowl, as a lively party begins to slide slightly out of hand)!
You Can Teach Your Dog to Eliminate on Command
by M. L. SmithSmith and Stybbard have written a gem in this book. It's certainly helped me to take control of my dog's idiosyncratic toilet habits. My pug Grendel now dances to my tune, be it on walks, in the garden or merely impressing friends and family. A word of caution - take care when choosing your "command words" and "smart phrases" to avoid words your dog is likely to hear on the television. It took 4 episodes of Ali McBeal before I realised that my "full evacuation" command was in the theme song.
Rexel Odyssey Personal Heavy Duty Stapler for Odyssey Multipurpose 9mm Staples Silver - Ref 2100048
Like so many of my, lost, generation, I have long lived in the tiny space at the top of a church tower. Because of the pyramidical nature of my living quarters (I have four of them), I often find that paper gets out of control. I had a fall out with my up-till-now reliable papersitter, which curtailed my social activities. Papercare is an expensive business. Then it came to me. Why had I not thought of it before? Bent pieces of thin metal could be used to corral my errant sheets. What I needed was a stapler. And a jar of jam.
This Bucket Changed My Life!!!, May 13, 2003The highly versatile Dover Parkerburg 610 2- Gallon Galvanized Metal Water Bucket was recommended to me by my neighbor Jim Anchower. Jim is something of an amateur consumer products testing buff and assured me that when it came to galvanized buckets the Dover Parkersburg reigns supreme! Jim had previously turned me on to the the Swiffer WetJet Mop Total Cleaning System and the Hoover Quik-Broom S2561 so I knew he wouldn't [mess] around when it came to my metal bucket needs.
Apple iPod shuffle 2 GB Blue (4th Generation) NEWEST MODELThe last vestiges of summer are eking out the daylight glory that is waning. Soon, the dull overcast of autumn will take over the brilliance of June, July and August. Within the space of the cusping transitional days, there will be cool music. The Apple iPod Shuffle will maintain and supply that music as you, like I, examine how many permutations of red and yellow can be tasted in a sunset.
Goya Codfish Batter Mix, Bacalaitos, 4.5-Ounce Packages (Pack of 24)The sign of a quality product is whether or not its existence is presaged for you in a dream during childhood. I dreamed of this Goya codfish batter mix. I was in an olive grove, Leo Sayer was playing, and then this Goya codfish batter mix --- startled, I awoke yelling "Bacalaitos", as though it were the name of a Spanish magician who was untying a silk handkerchief that had been blinding me. At last I could finally see.
With that being said, I prefer the Crab Place's more versatile Fish & Shrimp Batter sold here on Amazon. It can be used with codfish, basa, probably sea cucumber. Try it out.
Challenging.I admire that William Shatner is pictured here with no trousers on. This is a man who is comfortable with his own biology - AND IS NOT AFRAID TO LET EVERYONE KNOW IT! I have this print placed in the hall very close to the front door so that whenever I am going out I look down at my own outfit then back at William Shatner and more often than not remove my trousers or skirt or whatever it is I have disguising my humanity. Too often in this world we are asked to cover up and be ashamed of what we are - that's right - it's the THOUGHT POLICE (and probably the PC Brigade - what aren't they involved in???) But Shatner challenges this - he says - "BE FREE! AND BE PROUD!" A lesson that we can all learn from.
Betty Crocker's Picture Cookbook by Betty Crocker
I wish this book i had when i was living in Russia. My wife, she is worst cook in all of Petropavlovsk! Day after day it is borsk for breakfast, borsk for lunch, borsk for dinner! is always same thing! i say to her "Svetlana, man can not live on borsk alone!" is too much to ask for occasional bear meat pie or goat and beet stew? I work all day long in barrel factory, and come home so hungry i could eat a thousand kilos of boar meat! when we are first married she is greatest bear hunter in all of Petropavlovsk, she kill so many bear, in village they call her Lobanov-Rostovsky which loosely translates to "the killer of many bearcubs who feels no sadness for their mothers".
The most helpful favourable review
Moving
This print certainly adds a certain feeling of gravitas to my child's bedroom.
I've knocked a star off as I initially thought that it was a picture of Barry Chuckle.
real tragic lives
By Mr. A. R. HarrowellA touching, harrowing contribution to the misery memoir genre - the story of one man's struggle with sexual inadequacy, his fears of repressed homosexuality, and the humiliation his dreadful flatulence daily heaps on him. Anyone who has a heart should buy this book out of social concern.
Great lesson for the kids!I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger's shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger's scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said "that's the worst security ever!". But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital.
Feel their furry power!
by Mr. A. Brett (Oxford, England)I have seen many t-shirts in my time - almost five - but none have inspired me in quite the same way.
One wolf is a luxury; two, pure decadence; but three? 'Surely no man wields such a mighty chest as to be able to harness these averagely transferred beasts?' thought I. But if mine were such a chest then perhaps womenfolk might gaze upon me and say 'Oooh'.
If you can imagine a soothing blend of jojoba oils, vanilla, and WD40 being poured into both ear holes simultaneously, then you will have only been able to scratch the surface of the feast of pleasure that is Katie And Pete's "A Whole New World" Album. Similar in it's ambition to Wagner's "ring cycle" but less German, "A Whole New World" is one of the best sound combinations that has ever been recorded. I also found the case very useful for replacing a tile that had been missing in my bathroom for the past two and a half years. A TRIUMPH!
*ESPECIALLY SUITABLE FOR THOSE WITH TILED BATHROOMS*
Best in class
By SpikeIf you only buy one 20 inch canvas print of Paul Ross this year, this is the one to get.
I don't have much time.
by John L.This connection isn't sound. If my calculations are correct, it should be sometime around 2007 for whomever is reading this. DO NOT USE THESE CABLES. Something... happens with them. Something came through, something from somewhere else. We were overrun in days, not many of us are left. WE LIVE UNDERGROUND! ONLY YOU CAN STOP IT NOW. SAVE US. DO NOT USE THESE CABLES.
At long lastFinally a cook book that tells you how to complete the human digestive process. After your meal has been processed by your body, only waste remains. "Cooking With Pooh" shows you how to take that waste and recycle it into delicious treats. I had no idea that pooh could be used in so many dishes! Every recipe is low in fat although they all taste like crap.
Chateau du Lait Blanc, watch out!
By Philip TonOne should not be intimidated by Tuscan Whole Milk. Nor should one prejudge, despite the fact that Tuscan is non-vintage and comes in such large containers. Do not be fooled: this is not a jug milk. I always find it important to taste milk using high-quality stemware -- this is milk deserving of something better than a Flintstones plastic tumbler. One should pour just a small dollop and swirl it in the glass -- note the coating and look for clots or discoloration. And the color -- it should be opaque, and very, very white.
Left handers beware...
By Disappointed user (Taiwan)Worked fine with my right hand, but when I came to use my left hand my writing came out looking like the work of a complete imbecile. I can only assume Bic have created a right-handed only pen, and would caution left-handers to "try before you buy".
Not the best aids bib
By P. M. JohnsonI feel a little let down by this AIDS bib. I have about 40 AIDS bibs for my son and this by far is the biggest disappointment. He will not even throw up on it as he is so disappointed with the color scheme.
Do not take AIDS bibs fans for fools, we love high quality AIDS bibs. Please listen to the pubilc, we need ones showing the true horror of aids, silhouettes are so 1980's AIDS bibs.
Despite being written entirely in BLOCK CAPITALS, this self-published work conveys its message elegantly. In fact, you don't even need to read it to understand the main argument being put forward.
Who's the man??
By Alan E. Schmidt "Monkey head" (Las Vegas)I was searching for clothes that speak to me.. These pants not only spoke to me, they entered my soul and transformed me. When I get out of my bitchin 78 camaro wearing these bad boys, there's no question who the boss man is..
You can easily go commando in these and feel even more manly. Your junk swings freely and using the restroom is that much easier..
Great Product, Poor PackagingI purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.
It's not as perfect as all that!I went the extra bucks and bought the stealth model. I drove it home (and Hey! Don't believe the stories of 0 to 60 times reported by other owners. It's all bunk. My best time was 0 to 60 in 3 minutes, 14 seconds.) Anyway, I drove it home, parked it in the driveway AND NOW I CAN'T FIND IT! Sometimes stealth can be too much of a good thing. I should have gone for the standard model.
A fine bookAs implied by the title, this collection probes deeply into Wagner's vast Ring piece. Accusations of anti-semitism make Wagner's Ring a sensitive area today, but it continues to offer pleasure to many. This is a masterful work of musical scholarship that deserves a place on any sturdy shelf. No doubt it will influence appreciation of Wagner's Ring for many years to come. Among the highlights is the revealing chapter on the many characters than Wagner has managed to cram into his Ring- from fearsome giants Fafner and Fasolt to dwarf-brothers Alberich and Mime. Also covered are the brass instruments that Wagner designed specifically for insertion within the Ring. There will always be those who are opposed to musical analysis (just the same as there will always be those who resort to juvenile humour, regarding the title). They may suggest that Wagner's Ring is 'violated' with excessive force of scholarship. For this reviewer, however, Wagner's Ring remains quite intact and is indeed tightened by the exploration. In short, this stimulating venture in and out of Wagner's Ring has resulted in a seminal, fluid output.
Disappointed
By MoLaw (Can Sitty, Misery)Obviously, the price is right -- so that's 1 star right there. And the convenience of super-saver delivery spares me I don't even know how many trips to Niger. That's another star.
However, try as I might, I could never get this stuff to enrich to fully weapons-grade. If it worked half as well in my ballistic missiles as it does in my research reactor, it'd be 5 stars. Maybe you'll have better luck. It's possible that my centrifuge is hinky.
A little something for everyone on this disc!
By Segway Vagynna (aboard Count Dooku's solar sail)There is little doubt now that David Husselshaft is a major force in the music business these days. I've already been a fan for many years, but an amazing thing happened recently which I have to share. The doctor said my dog Cherish had only days to live. Desperate for any sign of recovery, I played this CD in the garage for him 24/7, and not only did my dog die, but so did 2 cats and all of my plants. My neighbor came down with a rare form of stomach virus, the one causes massive cramping and explosive diarrhea. Boy did I prove that doctor wrong!
... To all our amazement, when he peeled off the plaster to show us the gory details, there was NO WOUND AT ALL. It wasn't long before we put two and two together; now we use these little beauties for everything! Broken leg? Stick on a plaster! Funny rash - slap it on! Annoying voices in your head telling you to kill and bury the dog in the back garden? place one of these on your forehead and they're a thing of the past.
It's in here somewhere. With me.
Woke up this morning to find that my Guardian Angel had shattered. The inside was slimy and green. Moments later, heard a skittering sound behind some furniture. Found that during the night, phone lines had been cut, and all the doors and windows are shut with some kind of Super Glue like substance. My cell phone has been smashed. I can't get out. It didn't cut the cable internet, so I've got online to warn you, don't buy the guarslkdj;al b bbbbbbbbbbbbbb,,,,,,,,,,,wke;lj
feeling better now. Everything is fine. I will be sending a Guardian Angel to all of it's friends, family, neighbors, and associates. All humans must get one. Five stars. The most relaxing experience ever. I will never have another worry ever again after buying this product, and you will feel total fulfillment in service of a force infinitely greater than yourself. Buy it. You will never know pain after you feel the slight pinching at the back of your skull.
I do not know if human language can sufficiently describe what has been unleashed upon this world.
My Parent Child Testing Product, 5 Pack arrived just yesterday. Excitedly, I tore open the packaging and set each tiny warrior in a row near the edge of a table. Once they were properly oriented (toward Venus, as per the instructions, which appeared to be written in blood), I pulled up a chair and stared intently into their eyes, awaiting my test. I have always suspected that I am a child, but eagerly awaited firm confirmation. Once several uneventful hours passed, I decided to leave the house for a bit.
You know those pictures where, no matter where you are in the room, it looks like the person's eyes are looking right at you? The Parent Child Testing Product is like that, except it doesn't matter how far away from the product you are. It constantly feels as if it is not only looking at you, but peering into the darkest depths of your soul, questioning your very essence as a human being. This disturbed me, so I eventually threw all five figurines into the trash. It is at this time that each Parent Child Testing Product began to emit a sound. To say the sound was not of this earth is an understatement of the utmost severity. It was as if each scream since the beginning of time was layered on top of one another, followed by a whooshing sound that I can only assume was the act of stealing my soul and the souls of everyone I have ever loved.
When I looked in the trash can, the figurines were gone. I am typing this from underneath my bed. Only now does the true goal of the test become clear. Survival.
One is immediately drawn to this vintage by the colour, which is an elegant, pale straw hue with an appealing peachy fruit on the nose. It has an incredibly effervescent bead -- the whole glass teams with bubbles -- culminating in a frothy layer at the head.
The palate has panache, with a firm, mineral acidity that cuts through a rather elegantly styled, poised meaty presence. As with most Chateau Deerbuster products, this has the signature leafy-fresh character, which softens into a slight rancid feel towards the end.
Even though it has a rather short and crisply defined finish, I still believe this has the composition and acidity to age well in the cellar of any self-respecting urine connoisseur.
This is perhaps the best photograph of a woman rejecting a plate of food I have ever owned - if not the best *photograph* I have ever owned. I have it hanging above my fireplace and tend to look at it in times of need, imagining the humorous back story - the calamity of ordering a quorn burger which in fact turned out to be beef. When entertaining guests I tend to come up with a different story each time - that she is my vegan granddaughter, my vegetarian ex-wife, my fussy lover etc. - hence the photo is a brilliant conversation piece.
Ping! I love that duck!Using deft allegory, the authors have provided an insightful and intuitive explanation of one of Unix's most venerable networking utilities. Even more stunning is that they were clearly working with a very early beta of the program, as their book first appeared in 1933, years (decades!) before the operating system and network infrastructure were finalized.
You can be my wingman anytime!
By Alan Jukes
Amazon Verified PurchaseDon't buy these unless you can handle copious amounts of awesome. Whenever I wear them, strangers randomly high five me. I've also been invited to play in several pickup beach volleyball games. They also come in handy when you need to check your teeth for stray food particles after lunch. They're actually way better quality than I anticipated, and I would buy them again.
List of spoof reviews.
How having spoof reviews on your website can make your website more popular, or something. Includes your favourites like "Zubaz Pants" etc.
Voluminous site. Some of the reviews here seem actually not to be spoofs, so it is a mixed bag.